📬 Letter No. 4: Burning Out—“Making It Work”

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ This letter is for anyone who’s been called a superhero while quietly falling apart. 🦸‍♀️

✨ If you’ve ever screamed: I’m tired! into your pillow at night, this post is your permission to rest with a fleece blanket. 🛌

✨ This one’s for emotional sponges, gold star employees, and people who’ve mistaken survival for success. 🧽🌟🏃‍♀️

✨ Endurance is not the prize. Peace is. 🧘‍♀️ This post holds space for people learning to say no to “Making it work”. 🚫

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

Everyone expects me to do it all. To be everything. At work, at home, in relationships. I smile, I say yes. But deep down? I’m worn out.

I’m tired.

Is it okay to stop doing everything all the time?
To say this is too much?

— Heavy with Expectations

🪞 Dear Heavy with Expectations,

This is an amazing question.
I’ve got thoughts.

Probably it’s a soapbox. 📢

People ask how I “do it all”. All. The. Time.
With that mix of awe and flattery,
like surviving mayhem is the goal.

I usually smile and awkwardly laugh it off—
I already make it weird in even normal conversations. 😅

But you know what I want to say?

I’m dying inside. 💀
I’m tired. All. The. Time. 😵‍💫

Who else feels like this?

Are you:
🏃‍♀️ The Super Mom?
🌟 The Gold Star Employee?
🎭 The Comic Relief?
🧽 The Emotional Sponge?

Going back to what do I want to say?

“Oh, does this all look exhausting?”
✅ It is. It absolutely is.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that:
🧱 Endurance is the ultimate measure of success.
😓 Exhaustion means devotion.
🛠️ “Making it work” is a virtue.

But most of us are gripping the edge of life with numb fingers. 🧊

Let me say it clearly
—with absolutely no authority but belief in my bones:

🗣️ “We make it work” is often a mask.
A deeply worn, deeply cracked mask
hiding:
🧠 Damaged mental health
💔 Strained relationships
🙅 A complete lack of self-worth.

We learned to say it because
saying “this isn’t working”
made other people uncomfortable.

It’s a social script. A scapegoat.
And it’s wrecking us. 🔥

I’ve seen what happens
when we try to “make it work” in relationships too.

After I deleted my personal social media,
I started reading advice columns
(because yes, I like knowing things that are none of my business 🕵️‍♀️—still do.)

And let me tell you—the questions people ask?
Wild.

🫢 “Should I stay?”
👀 “Should I go?”

—usually after describing absolute chaos.

I scream at the screen:
🚪 LEAVE. You don’t have to stay.

But I get it. I’ve stayed. I’ve endured.
I’ve mistaken intensity for intimacy, chaos for connection.

And I offer only compassion for the spiraling.

🥀 Endurance does not equal emotional health.
Especially not in relationships
where you’re slowly disintegrating into dust.

Even when it’s complicated—
there’s this haunting idea that once we choose someone,
we’re bound for life.

That staying is noble.
That staying is required.

But that’s not true.

If something isn’t working,
you can leave.

And if you’re exhausted, if you’re unraveling—
maybe that’s proof enough. 📉

💞 Relationships should not make you more exhausted.
(Per my therapist, that’s apparently not the goal. Who knew? 🙃)

You don’t have to tolerate someone
who disrupts your peace. ☮️

You get to say:
🗣️ “I’m done trying to make this work.”

Here’s what I want to tell you,
now that you asked about the concept of doing it all:

💬 I don’t.
Not anymore.

You don’t have to, either.

❌ You are allowed to quit the things that break you.
🔁 You can switch careers.
📦 Move cities
🧠 Try therapy if professionals suggest it.
🗑️ Throw out the scripts handed to you
by exhausted people pretending to be successful.

🛑 You are not failing.
💪 You are advocating.

There’s no script,
no life probation,
no family-owned moral compass 🧭
that overrides your inner peace.

Even your parents don’t
get to be the director 🎬
of how you live in adulthood.

👶 Childhood is for skill-building.
🧘‍♀️ Adulthood is for living in a way
where you feel safe in your own head.

That’s the entire sentence.

You don’t have to make it work
just because someone expects you to.

Yes—you have obligations.
Especially if you’ve brought tiny humans into this world 🧒👧.

You probably don’t want to abandon your life.
You probably should own your choices.

But rejecting the grind?
Saying “no more” to the exhaustion? ✊

That’s not abandoning accountability.
That’s choosing it.

🪞 Hold up the mirror.
Even if your hands shake. 🤲

And then—✨
Build a life that fits the shape of your peace.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Teach your children how to do the same.

That’s how I do it.
Or how I’m learning to.

And it’s the only truth I cling to.

One thing I know for sure:
You don’t have to do it all to live an amazing life.

🧘‍♀️ The less I commit to,
the better my life is.

💝 The more I can focus on the people I love most.

❗️ No is a full sentence.
🌈 It’s the yes to the rest of your life.

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥 🖋️ 💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

Note from Miss:
I’ve sought a lot of professional help, and I’ve found it beneficial in my own recovery. Please always seek what you need from professional avenues.

But know, you’re never alone here.