📫 Letter No. 6: Kindness Can be a Learned Skill

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ This one’s for anyone who’s ever felt flawed for not gifting the right mug or thinking of the compliment to say in real-time—and wondered if they were wired differently. 🧠

✨ Thoughtfulness isn’t a personality trait. It’s a learned skill. 🛠️

✨ This post challenges the myth of “natural kindness” and suggests building kindness one mirror note at a time. 🪞

✨ “I didn’t mean to” isn’t an excuse. But it could be an entry point. This letter explores how intentionality can rewrite thoughtlessness into something we all can do. 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

The other day I got in a huge fight with my best friend and she called me thoughtless. It was one of those times where I can’t stop thinking about it.

I’ve noticed I can be kind of thoughtless. It seems to come easy to my friend to send nice notes and pick me up funny mugs because it reminded her of me.

I guess my brain doesn’t work that way.

What do you think?

– Reluctantly Thoughtless

🪞 Dear Reluctantly Thoughtless,

First off, I just want to say—
It can be hard when people we love or care about say things
that hurt and stick in our brain for a long time. 🧠💔

I still remember when an ex called me a “monster.” 👹
Sometimes when I make mistakes, that label still enters my brain
and I wonder if it’s true. 😞

I completely relate to this concept of being “thoughtless”
or not naturally kind.
It’s hard work for me. 💪

We’ve actually been talking about this in my house a lot lately.
I have three kids, but I’m going to focus on two:

👦 My youngest son—age four—is naturally kind.
He gives me compliments all the time like:
“I like your make up, mommy”… “I like your dress.” And he means them. 💖
He tells me he loves me all the time, and he’s a cuddler. 🤗

🧑 My oldest son—age ten—is different.
I’m not saying he’s un-kind.
He just doesn’t think about giving compliments or telling me he loves me, and he’s never been that personality.

When I tell him I love him?
He says “Okay.” 😐

Both sons are amazing.
I would never change either one of them. 🫶

But recently, my oldest son started being very snarky. 😒
He had a mean comment for everything everyone in the house said.

When I talked to him about it, he said it was part of his personality.

And I told him… I would never change his personality.
But being kind is a learned skill. 🛠️ ✨

It comes easier for some people than others.
So we’ve decided to work on building kindness as a skill in the family. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

He just called his sister “dummy” in the other room as I write this,
so we’re still working on it… 🙃
(For the record, I tell them not to use that word—
not that it really seems to matter…) 😅

Anyway, in my opinion, the most important thing to do is live our authentic selves.

At almost 40, I’m trying to do this now maybe for the first time in my life. ✨ 🌱
I’m not going to naturally think of doing nice things for people.

But I can write myself a post-it note on my mirror 🪞 📝
that gives me ideas to do certain things for people—
just to remind them they’re special. 💡 💕

Me on the other hand?
I got the person who called me a monster out of my life. 🧹
Not everyone gets to take my emotional energy. 🚫 🧘

But it’s also good to listen to the people who love us sometimes,
if we think what they’re saying resonates.
It’s up to you if you take it to heart or not though. 🌈

🔍 Sometimes I have to reckon with the way my brain works.
But then I realize—I’m not being very kind to myself.
That’s probably the first skill to build.
That’s probably the first step. 💗

Maybe thoughtfulness isn’t instinctual—it’s intentional.

And that counts. 🦋

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥 ✒️ 💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

Note from Miss:
I’ve sought a lot of professional help, and I’ve found it beneficial in my own recovery. Please always seek what you need from professional avenues.

But know, you’re never alone here.

This post is for emotional reflection and storytelling purposes only. It is not professional advice.

[See full disclaimers here]