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📬 Letter No. 9: Distraction Is Like a Toxic Best Friend

On August 16, 2025August 17, 2025 By Miss ReckoningIn boundaries & autonomy, cultural norms & emotional scripts, dear miss reckoning, emotional clarity & fictional advice, emotional exhaustion & societal pressure, emotional safety & reparenting, self-reflection and growthLeave a comment

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ For anyone who’s ever felt like a browser with 47 tabs open—this one’s for you. 🔊

✨ It’s for anyone who’s ever been told to “just focus”, while juggling five roles, three moods and a toddler with glitter. 🧃

✨ Through questionable metaphors and side-eyed storytelling, this letter rebrands choosing yourself as a flex. Not a flaw. 💅

✨ You don’t need to hustle ’til you break. You just need to mute the chaos and crown your quiet. 👑

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

I seem incapable of living up to my parents’ expectations.

They call every decision I make a distraction. The worst part is that they’re right.

I feel so restless, and I just can’t seem to find my place.

-Distraction Survivor

🪞 Dear Distraction Survivor,

Distraction is like the best friend you’ve ever had… 💗
…but was actually super toxic. 🧨🧛‍♀️

The kind you pour your heart and soul into… 😢
…and realize the red flags were flying all along. 🚩 🚩 🚩

I’ve chased it everywhere— 🏃‍♀️
Achievements. 🏋️‍♀️
Relationships. 💔
Shopping. 🛍️

Olympic dreams. 🥇
Best-selling author fantasies. 🖋️
President of the United States. (True story.) 🏛️

I don’t do distraction halfway. ⚖️
(I don’t do anything halfway 💯 —for better or worse.) 🧨

I’ve found it in people 🧍‍♂️, places 🌆, things📦.
I spent $1,000 on a certain online retailer this month. 💳
Did I have it? No. ❌
Did it feel good? Briefly. ⏳

These expensive 💸, all-or-nothing fixes don’t fix.
They rob us—of joy 😄, self-worth 🪞, and disappointing bank accounts 📉.

And not everything toxic looks toxic. 🎭

We know the obvious ones:
🚗 Driving dangerously
💊 Addictions
🗣️ Lying
💼 Telling your boss to fuck off

Have I done some of these?
Yes. But I’m not telling you which. 😬

I did it all.
Every distraction. Every escape. 🛫

Until…
I found the boring. 💤

Boring isn’t exciting. 🧘‍♀️
It’s not applause or headlines. 📰

It’s coffee in the morning. ☕🌅
It’s CTRL+S on a draft. 💾
It’s budgeting on Sunday with an F1 race in the background. 🏎️

I used to read about “mindful coffee moments” and roll my eyes. 🙄
Until I sat with a cup and thought 💭:
There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. 🏡
Here is okay. Even while I’m living in my own brain (usually the enemy). ⚔️

Now I find satisfaction in quiet success 🌱
(My son grew an actual four-foot-tall sunflower 🌻
from a seed he brought home from school—
it was amazing).
In sitting with the five people I’d save in an apocalypse. 🪦
In noticing the quiet when the kids are at school. 🏫

In thinking: 💭
I actually want to be here. 🎉
In fist-bumping myself for small wins. 👊

In realizing that:
Satisfaction is the opposite of distraction. ⚖️

It’s not exciting. 🛋️
It’s not live crowds or eternal glory. 🏆
But it’s mine. Just like peace can be mine. 🌅

I struggled for a long time with people’s expectations. 📏
I kept trying to live an impossible dream. 🧗‍♀️
I kept thinking I had to be something people applauded. 👏

Now, I don’t need applause.
I just need myself. 🧍‍♀️
Like a lonely planet in the solar system 🪐 —
just hanging out in the vast galaxy🌌.

And a sense of self-satisfaction I’ve never known. 🧘‍♀️

For a long time, I chased distractions 🏃‍♀️
because I couldn’t figure out how to be okay with where I was in life. 🧭
I thought there was something else out there that I was missing. 🔍

I kept looking for the fix. 🧰
But the fix was me. 💖

There was no external fix. 🚫
There was no society-defined success or win 🏅
that was going to make me okay. 📈

The quiet can be loud. 🔊
But I realized—
I was never listening. 🎧

When I own my headspace,
I don’t need distraction. 🚫

When I own my thoughts, 💭
I don’t need other people’s opinions to define my path. 🛤️

The quiet can be loud
when I realize I wasn’t listening—
but everything I need is right here. 🧘‍♀️

In my brain. 🧠
And that’s amazing. 💫 🌈

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥🖋️💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

Note from Miss:
I’ve sought a lot of professional help, and I’ve found it beneficial in my own recovery. Please always seek what you need from professional avenues.

But know, you’re never alone here.

This post is for emotional reflection and storytelling purposes only. It is not professional advice.

[See full disclaimers here]

Collage-style digital illustration in robin egg blue tones featuring a vintage stoplight, two shooting stars, and two lit candles. The elements are whole and softly textured, arranged with visual balance and emotional warmth.

📫 Letter No. 7: Buckle Up, Buttercup—Regulation Starts With Us

On August 9, 2025August 16, 2025 By Miss ReckoningIn boundaries & autonomy, cultural norms & emotional scripts, dear miss reckoning, emotional clarity & fictional advice, emotional exhaustion & societal pressure, emotional safety & reparenting, parent reckonings, raising humans, self-reflection and growth, unqualified wisdomLeave a comment

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ This one’s for the grown-ups staring at the Zones of Regulation chart on their fridge, 📊
wondering why they’re still rage-posting on Facebook. 💻😡

✨ It’s for the parents trying to raise regulated kids 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦
while barely holding it together themselves. 🫠

✨ Because regulation isn’t a chart—it’s a relationship. 💗
And it has to start with us. 🪞

✨ Regulation isn’t perfection—it’s never-ending repair. 🧩🛠️

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

I’m trying to raise emotionally regulated kids.
We’ve got the charts. The calm down corners. The breathing techniques.

But I’m still losing it.
I yell. shut down. I spiral.
And then I feel like a failure.

How do I teach regulation when I’m still learning it myself?

– Red Zone Mom

🪞 Dear Red Zone Mom,

Let’s start with the truth. 🧃

I feel you. 🫶

After raising two neurodiverse kids, 🧩 the whole family has been in so much therapy, 🛋️
there’s a Zones of Regulation chart on my fridge right now. 📌

I’m staring at it as I write this. 👀

For my generation, we didn’t grow up with color-coded charts. 📉
We grew up like the norm—
suppressing emotions and hiding trauma behind closed doors, 🚪
where society demanded all the bad stuff stayed. 🧳

Somewhere down the line, someone decided we should raise regulated kids. 📘
And they left it to us: chronically unregulated adults. 💣

🧸 Let’s real-talk about calm down corners.
A corner is a corner is a corner. 🪑
It used to be a kid would be sent to sit in the corner, 🧱
staring at the wall for an hour. ⏳

We collectively decided that wasn’t helping things. 🚫
So naturally, we chose another corner—a softer corner. 🧸
It feels like this should be a metaphor. 🪞
It’s not. 😬

Oh god—it’s real. 😱

Pillows and blankets and stuffed animals. 🧸
In a corner. 🪑
All to help a child calm down. 🌬️

Here’s a different question for adults. ❓
Always, no judgment: 🙅‍♀️

When Suzy at work throws you under the bus 👩‍💼
for a mistake she made and your boss blindsides you with a warning, ⚠️
what’s your first thought? 😤

Calm down corner? 🧸🪑
Would that be helpful? 😬

These suggestions aren’t bad. 📚
Do they work? ❓

I’m not saying calm down corners are a bad concept. 🚫
Maybe they work for some kids. 👧👦
But kids are tiny people. 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

If it wouldn’t work for adults 🧓,
why are we expecting it to work for kids? 👶

And the adults giving these lessons? 🧑‍🏫
We don’t always know what we’re talking about. 🤷‍♀️

We’re asking an upset toddler if he’s in the red zone—🟥👶
then we’re losing our shit over getting a kid’s shoes on. 👟
(Although if you’ve ever tried to get a toddler’s shoes on, I don’t blame you 😤)

We’re telling a five-year-old to use their words—🗣️
then giving a family member the silent treatment for years. 🤐

The adults should learn regulation first. 🧠

It’s not easy. 😮‍💨

I’ve been working on it for ten years. 🔟
I finally stopped being so reactive 🛑
when I realized my kids were unknowingly hitting my trauma buttons. 🎯

I didn’t want to yell. 📢
I wanted to do gentle parenting—👩‍👧
or whatever the hell they were advocating that day. 📚
But I was pissed off a lot. 🤯

Now, after years of practice 🏋️, I can keep my calm. 🧘‍♀️
Mostly… 😏
I realized that yelling at my daughter for using permanent marker on the carpet 🧼
isn’t going to work. ❌

It won’t make our relationship better. 💔
It won’t prevent her from drawing on the carpet again. 🖍️

Do you know what does work? ✅

Being calm. 🧘‍♀️
Letting her think it through. 💭
Asking her questions. ❓

“Did it occur to you that was a bad idea?” 🤔
Sometimes she says “No” to things that are absolutely the worst ideas I’ve ever heard. 😳
It’s hard not to challenge her. 🧠
But she says it with such innocence. 😇

That’s when I remember—she’s learning. 🧠
I’m learning. 🧍‍♀️📖
I’m an adult, and I make mistakes. 💥

Some days at work, I use permanent marker all over those metaphorical walls. 🧱
I don’t need a chart to show me I’m in the red zone. 🟥
I know I’m in the red zone. 😤

But what am I going to do about it? 🔧

That’s where I can talk to my daughter. 👩‍👧
I’ve told her: “I make mistakes, too.
We all keep learning forever. That never stops.” 🔁

She is a tiny human. 👧
I’m a much larger human. 📏
At the core, we’re the same. 🫶

Neither of us likes to be yelled at in the morning. 📢🌅
So, I do my best to greet her with a friendly, relaxed demeanor 😊
when she gets out of bed. 🛏️

Sometimes, she starts yelling at me for no reason. 🙃
Unprovoked! I tell you. 😩
This last time, I learned I can last about an hour
of being calm and reasonable when she’s not. ⏳

Don’t get me wrong—that doesn’t mean passive. 🙅‍♀️
She lost her screen privileges very early on in this hour. 📱
But I didn’t yell. 🔇

I tried to work through that nightmare morning 😵
and get her freaking hair brushed 💇‍♀️
(which is apparently the equivalent of stealing all the things she holds dear). 📵

At the hour mark, I didn’t yell either. ⏳
I did say something like:
“Okay, now I’m mad. 😠
I don’t like being yelled at in the morning. 🌅 “
You don’t like being yelled at in the morning. 📢
We’ve talked about this. 🗣️
We agreed to try to do better. 🤝
And you’re yelling at me. 😤
I am mad now. 😠
I have my limits. 🚧
And I’m going upstairs now.” 🏃‍♀️

Back to regulating. 🧠
Learning to regulate isn’t a chart. ❌
It’s a relationship. 💞

It has to start with us. 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️
There’s no cheat sheet for the fridge. 📄
There’s no magic formula ✨
you can read in a book. 📚

The hard part? 😣
It’s a two-way street. 🚦
You can’t regulate if one of you is unregulated. 🌀

So, I’ll say to you what I say to my kids every time we get in the car: 🚗
“Buckle up, buttercup.” 😅
Yeah, they hate it, too. 🤭

It’s a long ride. 🎢
But it’s worth it. 🌟
You’re doing great. 🙌
You’re doing your best. 💪

Sometimes society has impossible standards. 🧱
The fact that you’re writing this letter means you care. 📝
We’ll all keep working on this together. 🧑‍🤝‍🧑

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥🖊️💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

This post is for emotional reflection and storytelling purposes only. It is not professional advice.

[See full disclaimers here]

Two ceramic mugs labeled “best” and “friends” sit side by side in the center of the image against a soft, muted background. The mugs evoke warmth, simplicity, and emotional connection.

📫 Letter No. 6: Kindness Can be a Learned Skill

On August 4, 2025August 9, 2025 By Miss ReckoningIn boundaries & autonomy, cultural norms & emotional scripts, dear miss reckoning, emotional clarity & fictional advice, emotional exhaustion & societal pressure, emotional safety & reparenting, parent reckonings, self-reflection and growthLeave a comment

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ This one’s for anyone who’s ever felt flawed for not gifting the right mug or thinking of the compliment to say in real-time—and wondered if they were wired differently. 🧠

✨ Thoughtfulness isn’t a personality trait. It’s a learned skill. 🛠️

✨ This post challenges the myth of “natural kindness” and suggests building kindness one mirror note at a time. 🪞

✨ “I didn’t mean to” isn’t an excuse. But it could be an entry point. This letter explores how intentionality can rewrite thoughtlessness into something we all can do. 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

The other day I got in a huge fight with my best friend and she called me thoughtless. It was one of those times where I can’t stop thinking about it.

I’ve noticed I can be kind of thoughtless. It seems to come easy to my friend to send nice notes and pick me up funny mugs because it reminded her of me.

I guess my brain doesn’t work that way.

What do you think?

– Reluctantly Thoughtless

🪞 Dear Reluctantly Thoughtless,

First off, I just want to say—
It can be hard when people we love or care about say things
that hurt and stick in our brain for a long time. 🧠💔

I still remember when an ex called me a “monster.” 👹
Sometimes when I make mistakes, that label still enters my brain
and I wonder if it’s true. 😞

I completely relate to this concept of being “thoughtless”
or not naturally kind.
It’s hard work for me. 💪

We’ve actually been talking about this in my house a lot lately.
I have three kids, but I’m going to focus on two:

👦 My youngest son—age four—is naturally kind.
He gives me compliments all the time like:
“I like your make up, mommy”… “I like your dress.” And he means them. 💖
He tells me he loves me all the time, and he’s a cuddler. 🤗

🧑 My oldest son—age ten—is different.
I’m not saying he’s un-kind.
He just doesn’t think about giving compliments or telling me he loves me, and he’s never been that personality.

When I tell him I love him?
He says “Okay.” 😐

Both sons are amazing.
I would never change either one of them. 🫶

But recently, my oldest son started being very snarky. 😒
He had a mean comment for everything everyone in the house said.

When I talked to him about it, he said it was part of his personality.

And I told him… I would never change his personality.
But being kind is a learned skill. 🛠️ ✨

It comes easier for some people than others.
So we’ve decided to work on building kindness as a skill in the family. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

He just called his sister “dummy” in the other room as I write this,
so we’re still working on it… 🙃
(For the record, I tell them not to use that word—
not that it really seems to matter…) 😅

Anyway, in my opinion, the most important thing to do is live our authentic selves.

At almost 40, I’m trying to do this now maybe for the first time in my life. ✨ 🌱
I’m not going to naturally think of doing nice things for people.

But I can write myself a post-it note on my mirror 🪞 📝
that gives me ideas to do certain things for people—
just to remind them they’re special. 💡 💕

Me on the other hand?
I got the person who called me a monster out of my life. 🧹
Not everyone gets to take my emotional energy. 🚫 🧘

But it’s also good to listen to the people who love us sometimes,
if we think what they’re saying resonates.
It’s up to you if you take it to heart or not though. 🌈

🔍 Sometimes I have to reckon with the way my brain works.
But then I realize—I’m not being very kind to myself.
That’s probably the first skill to build.
That’s probably the first step. 💗

Maybe thoughtfulness isn’t instinctual—it’s intentional.

And that counts. 🦋

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥 ✒️ 💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

This post is for emotional reflection and storytelling purposes only. It is not professional advice.

[See full disclaimers here]

A pastel-toned digital collage featuring plants, watering pots, stitched hearts, and women embracing—symbols of emotional healing, nurturing, and connection.

📫 Letter No 5: When Good Intentions Go Bad

On August 1, 2025August 16, 2025 By Miss ReckoningIn boundaries & autonomy, cultural norms & emotional scripts, dear miss reckoning, emotional clarity & fictional advice, emotional exhaustion & societal pressure, healing narratives, self-reflection and growthLeave a comment

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ Some plants thrive on attention. Others wilt from too much. This letter asks: Are your good intentions watering… or overwhelming? 🪴

✨ Sometimes we mean well—but don’t hear the soft “no,” until we’re too far down our own rabbit hole to notice. 🐇

✨ Overwatering feels generous—until it’s not. There’s a line between devotion and damage. 💔

✨ But when it comes to people we love, we can always do better. There’s always hope. 🌈

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

I’m stuck in the middle between my mom and my sister.

My sister threw our mom a 70^th birthday party… even though she knew our mom didn’t want one. She keeps saying she had good intentions. But our mom won’t forgive her.

I don’t know if I can pick a side.

What do I do?

-In the Middle

🪞 Dear In the Middle,

Let’s start by acknowledging the elephant in the room 🐘: family can be rough.

We love them ❤️. But they know us almost too well—
how to push our buttons, how to hit us right where it hurts 💥,
and how to mistake loyalty for permission.

Family assumes our love for them is limitless, which often means boundary-less. 🚧

And the other side of your letter? Let’s call it what it is:

🎯 Sometimes good intentions can suck. 😬

Intent doesn’t erase impact.
Intent doesn’t cancel consequences.
Intent doesn’t override autonomy.
(Yeah—I wish it did, too. It’d make therapy go a lot faster. 🧠💬)

It took me nearly 40 years to learn this lesson. I still struggle with the “Yeah, but…” voice in my brain.
🤷 “Yeah, but I meant well.”
🤦“Yeah, but I was trying to help.”

Nope. Sorry, brain. 🚫 You can lead with love 💞 and admit you caused harm.

🔄 Let’s rewind: How can a birthday party be a bad thing?

Because Mom said no. 🙅 And that matters.

Good intentions are like overwatering a plant 🌱. You know the plant needs water 💦. But you completely obliterate your capacity to tell how much… so you drown the plant. 😵

Calling it dead feels too harsh. I’ll say it’s not alive.

You’ve not-alived the plant. 🪦

I’m going to admit something to you. It took me years to figure it out.
For most of my life, I didn’t realize I had control issues 😮‍💨.

Other than sipping the tea 🍵 and
always wanting to know other people’s business 🕵️‍♀️,
I don’t actually like to be in the business.
I don’t want to be in the drama.
I want to watch the drama 👀.

But that must be a lie I tell myself 🤔.
At the root, I have a huge problem with control.

I want to control everything because I know best! 🧠✨
I want to fix everyone. Because they need me! 😇

Unfortunately, good intentions can sometimes be
our attempt to control other people. 🧲

Oof. I know it’s rough to think about it that way.

That one cost me a few therapy sessions and
a lot of uncomfortable mirror stares. 🪞

Anway, back to the plant. 🪴
❌ Overwatering isn’t neglect.
🔍 It’s devotion without perspective.
♾️ Devotion without limits.
🔒 Devotion without boundaries.

Now we strip off the gardening gloves 🧤 and dig out of the metaphor. 🧑‍🌾

Because good intentions?
☀️ They’re warm.
💛 Generous.
🎀 Innocent on the surface.

🌊 But they can drown autonomy, blur accountability, and leave behind emotional damage that will need more than a band-aid. 🩹

Oof. I know. That one hits hard.

You’re probably wondering: “Where’s the usual sass, Miss Reckoning?” 😏

Hold tight—I’m bringing it back with a parenting fumble.
Because I’m going to dwell about it in my head anyway—
might as well tell you 🗯️.

My eight-year-old is going to summer camp 🏕️. She’s excited. 🎉
They planned a field trip to the beach 🏖️.
She’s in swimming lessons 🏊‍♀️ and thinks she’s super good 💪.
But she’s not. Don’t tell her I said that. 🙈

*Cue my panic*

I spiraled. 🌀
I overwatered her with safety warnings.
I ruined the morning with anxiety disguised as advice.

She felt misunderstood 😔.
I felt like the worst-case scenarios in my head were definitely going to happen. 🔮
Both of us walked away with rolled eyes 🙄 and bad attitudes. 😒

And then—I found out:
🚩 Lifeguards were hired.
🚩 Kids couldn’t go past a certain point unless they pass swim tests.
🚩 There was never a real threat.

I panicked over a made-up scenario in my head. ⚠️
And she wore the weight of my fear wrapped in love.
She wore the weight of my good intentions. 💔

So, here’s our collective reckoning ✨.

💧 What are we overwatering right now?

Is it someone’s feelings?
A conversation?
Your own expectations?

I can’t tell you whose side to take, but I’m working on focusing on only what’s in my control. Today, that’s letting go of control.

💗 Be gentle.
🚸 Proceed with caution.
🫶 Start with care—but end with perspective.

Because good intentions are only good…
if you know when to stop pouring. 💧⛅

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥🖊️💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

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This post is for emotional reflection and storytelling purposes only. It is not professional advice.

[See full disclaimers here]

boundaries & autonomy, cultural norms & emotional scripts, dear miss reckoning, emotional clarity & fictional advice, emotional exhaustion & societal pressure, healing narratives, self-reflection and growth

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📬 Letter No. 4: Burning Out—“Making It Work”

On July 28, 2025July 27, 2025 By Miss ReckoningIn boundaries & autonomy, cultural norms & emotional scripts, dear miss reckoning, emotional clarity & fictional advice, emotional exhaustion & societal pressure, self-reflection and growth, unqualified wisdomLeave a comment

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ This letter is for anyone who’s been called a superhero while quietly falling apart. 🦸‍♀️

✨ If you’ve ever screamed: I’m tired! into your pillow at night, this post is your permission to rest with a fleece blanket. 🛌

✨ This one’s for emotional sponges, gold star employees, and people who’ve mistaken survival for success. 🧽🌟🏃‍♀️

✨ Endurance is not the prize. Peace is. 🧘‍♀️ This post holds space for people learning to say no to “Making it work”. 🚫

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

Everyone expects me to do it all. To be everything. At work, at home, in relationships. I smile, I say yes. But deep down? I’m worn out.

I’m tired.

Is it okay to stop doing everything all the time?
To say this is too much?

— Heavy with Expectations

🪞 Dear Heavy with Expectations,

This is an amazing question.
I’ve got thoughts.

Probably it’s a soapbox. 📢

People ask how I “do it all”. All. The. Time.
With that mix of awe and flattery,
like surviving mayhem is the goal.

I usually smile and awkwardly laugh it off—
I already make it weird in even normal conversations. 😅

But you know what I want to say?

I’m dying inside. 💀
I’m tired. All. The. Time. 😵‍💫

Who else feels like this?

Are you:
🏃‍♀️ The Super Mom?
🌟 The Gold Star Employee?
🎭 The Comic Relief?
🧽 The Emotional Sponge?

Going back to what do I want to say?

“Oh, does this all look exhausting?”
✅ It is. It absolutely is.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that:
🧱 Endurance is the ultimate measure of success.
😓 Exhaustion means devotion.
🛠️ “Making it work” is a virtue.

But most of us are gripping the edge of life with numb fingers. 🧊

Let me say it clearly
—with absolutely no authority but belief in my bones:

🗣️ “We make it work” is often a mask.
A deeply worn, deeply cracked mask
hiding:
🧠 Damaged mental health
💔 Strained relationships
🙅 A complete lack of self-worth.

We learned to say it because
saying “this isn’t working”
made other people uncomfortable.

It’s a social script. A scapegoat.
And it’s wrecking us. 🔥

I’ve seen what happens
when we try to “make it work” in relationships too.

After I deleted my personal social media,
I started reading advice columns
(because yes, I like knowing things that are none of my business 🕵️‍♀️—still do.)

And let me tell you—the questions people ask?
Wild.

🫢 “Should I stay?”
👀 “Should I go?”

—usually after describing absolute chaos.

I scream at the screen:
🚪 LEAVE. You don’t have to stay.

But I get it. I’ve stayed. I’ve endured.
I’ve mistaken intensity for intimacy, chaos for connection.

And I offer only compassion for the spiraling.

🥀 Endurance does not equal emotional health.
Especially not in relationships
where you’re slowly disintegrating into dust.

Even when it’s complicated—
there’s this haunting idea that once we choose someone,
we’re bound for life.

That staying is noble.
That staying is required.

But that’s not true.

If something isn’t working,
you can leave.

And if you’re exhausted, if you’re unraveling—
maybe that’s proof enough. 📉

💞 Relationships should not make you more exhausted.
(Per my therapist, that’s apparently not the goal. Who knew? 🙃)

You don’t have to tolerate someone
who disrupts your peace. ☮️

You get to say:
🗣️ “I’m done trying to make this work.”

Here’s what I want to tell you,
now that you asked about the concept of doing it all:

💬 I don’t.
Not anymore.

You don’t have to, either.

❌ You are allowed to quit the things that break you.
🔁 You can switch careers.
📦 Move cities
🧠 Try therapy if professionals suggest it.
🗑️ Throw out the scripts handed to you
by exhausted people pretending to be successful.

🛑 You are not failing.
💪 You are advocating.

There’s no script,
no life probation,
no family-owned moral compass 🧭
that overrides your inner peace.

Even your parents don’t
get to be the director 🎬
of how you live in adulthood.

👶 Childhood is for skill-building.
🧘‍♀️ Adulthood is for living in a way
where you feel safe in your own head.

That’s the entire sentence.

You don’t have to make it work
just because someone expects you to.

Yes—you have obligations.
Especially if you’ve brought tiny humans into this world 🧒👧.

You probably don’t want to abandon your life.
You probably should own your choices.

But rejecting the grind?
Saying “no more” to the exhaustion? ✊

That’s not abandoning accountability.
That’s choosing it.

🪞 Hold up the mirror.
Even if your hands shake. 🤲

And then—✨
Build a life that fits the shape of your peace.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Teach your children how to do the same.

That’s how I do it.
Or how I’m learning to.

And it’s the only truth I cling to.

One thing I know for sure:
You don’t have to do it all to live an amazing life.

🧘‍♀️ The less I commit to,
the better my life is.

💝 The more I can focus on the people I love most.

❗️ No is a full sentence.
🌈 It’s the yes to the rest of your life.

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥 🖋️ 💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

This post is for emotional reflection and storytelling purposes only. It is not professional advice.

[See full disclaimers here]

Three trampolines, one sunshine, and three parachutes arranged on a textured teal background. The elements float and overlap like layered metaphors—bounce, fall, and light-seeking—capturing emotional movement.

📬 Letter No. 3: Resilience Bouncing—When It’s a Freefall

On July 25, 2025July 26, 2025 By Miss ReckoningIn boundaries & autonomy, cultural norms & emotional scripts, dear miss reckoning, emotional clarity & fictional advice, parent reckonings, raising humans, self-reflection and growthLeave a comment

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ When adults say “kids bounce back,” this letter asks: How many bounces until the trampoline breaks and it’s a freefall? 🪂

✨ This one’s for anyone who’s watched a child struggle and then wondered: Is survival being mistaken for resilience? 💔🔁

✨ Resilience isn’t a magic trick. It’s a tricky landing, sometimes painful, often brave. This post chooses presence for the landing over performance. 🧘‍♀️

✨ “They seem fine” is not the whole story. Still water hides danger. This letter explores how to land gently. 🌊🫶

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

I’ve been thinking about how often adults say “kids bounce back.” It’s used after family problems, school changes, social drama… pretty much anything inconvenient. But sometimes I wonder if that phrase is more comforting for the adults than it is accurate for the kids.

What do you think?

— Just Asking

🪞 Dear Just Asking,

I’m glad you asked. Because I’ve been thinking about this, too.

I recently went through a hard time. I tried to protect my kids. But one way-too-adult comment from my eight-year-old had me double taking. And then completely baffled on how to respond to her. 🤯

I think building resilience in kids is important.
It’s a skill we can all learn every day.

But here’s the thing and where I landed on this:

🌀 We say “kids bounce back”…
But who’s watching the second bounce?
Or the third?
Or the moment the trampoline finally gives out? 🪂

💥 Because bouncing once might be strength.
🔁 Bouncing twice might be learned survival.
🕳️ Bouncing forever? That’s not resilience anymore. That’s a freefall.

I do believe adults love the idea that children just absorb disruption and magically reorganize around it.
School transfers? They’ll adjust.
Friend drama? Normal—they’ll figure it out.
Break-ups? They’re young—time heals.

Sometimes I haven’t always handled things like I wish I had.
I know life happens. Mistakes happen.
We can’t live in shame and regret as adults if we didn’t get it right in every moment.
That’s definitely not the answer.

But healing for kids isn’t automatic. 🩹
And resilience isn’t infinite. ♾️
We don’t get to assign emotional gymnastic routines 🤸
and assume every child sticks the landing.

We say, “They seem fine.”
But did we look beneath the surface?
Still water doesn’t mean safe water. 🌊🚨

Sometimes, beneath the mask of coping 🎭, kids are quietly scripting their understanding of life without us even realizing it, until one too-adult-comment:

“This is how things go.”
“This is how people treat each other.” 🫥
“This is what love feels like.” 💔

They’re absorbing and adapting—but not always the way we hope.

So what’s the alternative?
How do we move forward when life doesn’t stop happening?
Sometimes we can’t control the bad stuff that happens.
We as adults have to be resilient.

The answer isn’t bubble-wrapping kids. 🫧
It’s telling the truth.
Being present. 🫶
But not performative presence.

It’s sitting down with my kid and admitting:
I made a mistake. I’m human.
I’m going to keep trying to do better—for myself and for you.

Not just hoping they bounce
but being there when they land.
Even if the landing is messy.
Especially if it’s messy.
Especially if it’s uncomfortable for us.

Because kids can be resilient. 💪
But they shouldn’t have to be all the time. ⌛

Sometimes the bravest thing a parent can do
is stop bouncing themselves.
To choose stillness. 🧘
To choose presence.
To look their kid in the eyes and say:
“I know that was hard. I see you. I’m still here.”

That’s not a bounce.
That’s a reckoning.
And it’s the beginning of repair. 🌱

Asking the question is enough. Sitting with it is a start. Living more thoughtfully is the goal.

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥 🖋️ 💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

This post is for emotional reflection and storytelling purposes only. It is not professional advice.

[See full disclaimers here]

A symbolic collage on a white background featuring birthday balloons, scripts, slot machines, and a megaphone—illustrating themes of politeness, performance, and autonomy.

📬 Letter No. 2: Bad Advice—She Must Invite Her

On July 21, 2025July 25, 2025 By Miss ReckoningIn boundaries & autonomy, cultural norms & emotional scripts, dear miss reckoning, emotional clarity & fictional advice, emotional safety & reparenting, healing narrativesLeave a comment

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

✨ When advice columns start giving out awards for forced politeness 🎖️, it’s time to rewrite the script.

✨ This letter is for anyone who was told to “just be nice” 😇 while faking smiles for people who made them miserable.

✨ Kids shouldn’t need to play social director 🎬. We’re here to hand nine-year-old girls their emotional passports and say: You don’t owe anyone your friendship. 🚫

✨ Because weaponized etiquette isn’t polite—it’s adult insecurity in pearls and a cardigan. This letter? It’s the glitter-soaked rebuttal to “be nice”.

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

I recently read a popular etiquette advice column where a mom asked what to do because her nine-year-old daughter didn’t want to invite a neighbor girl to her birthday party.

The columnist said the girl should include her. Just be polite. It’s the neighborly thing to do. Even when the daughter told her mom this girl was mean to her in the past.

It felt wrong. Like they were erasing the child’s instincts just because the adults wanted things to be easier.

Was I overreacting? Or is “politeness” becoming kind of toxic?

— Raised to be Nice

🪞 Dear Raised to be Nice,

I read that letter, too. The response wasn’t etiquette.
It was autonomy erased.

Here’s what that advice column did in just a few short paragraphs:
🚫 Erased the boundaries of a nine-year-old girl
🎭 Prioritized adult social comfort over child emotional truth
💬 Rewarded politeness over authenticity
💁‍♀️ Forced inclusion for image maintenance
🤥 Taught fake kindness and called it grace

We’re encouraging a society that’s mentally harming kids.

Then we wonder why kids are miserable. 😔

This strikes a nerve. I remember being nine.
I knew who felt safe and who didn’t.
I just didn’t know how to say it out loud.
Because no one taught me.

And now: *I step onto my soapbox* 📢

We blame the algorithms 🤖 , the apps 📱, the curriculum 📚—
🎯 but rarely the performance we force kids to give day after day.

It’s easy to blame the noise of the world.
It’s harder to admit the noise is coming from inside the house 🏠.

Let’s talk about the real script we hand them:

We tell kids to include everyone,
but not what to do when someone feels unsafe.

We reward compliance.
Cheer for performance.
Set impossible standards and call them character-building.

And we expect kids to win games they never asked to play.

Video games? 🎮 Sure, we blame them.

But what about the invisible levels we design 🕹️—
every time we say “Just be nice” instead of
“Is this person kind to you?”

Do we ever actually ask kids about their mental health?
Is it quiet in their heads?
Or loud?

Because I’ve had a loud brain my whole life. 🧠
And it sucks.

No one tells kids that life isn’t winnable. 🏆
No one tells them that it doesn’t need to be.

Instead:
😬 Smile through the pain
😇 Be kind, even if no one’s kind to you
😢 Struggle quietly and don’t make it weird

Then we act surprised when they fall apart.

Social media isn’t helping. But it’s not the root. 🌱

The real setup?

We taught kids to crave validation
before they ever touched a screen.

Sticker charts 🌟
Curated report cards 📝
“Good job!” every time they acted like little CEOs 👔

Worth became something to display.
Rank. Post. Perform.

Social media just loops that mechanism—
with dopamine hits for extra pazazz.

And the more you pull the lever, the harder it is to stop.

This isn’t rewiring their brains. 🔌
It’s feeding the machine we built. 🛠️

We created the casino floor.
And now we act hurt when kids get hooked on the flashing lights. 🎆

🎰 The slot machine high of approval.
💸 Here’s the truth: The jackpot always runs out.

🧠 The only thing we actually own is the space in our own heads.
We should be helping kids build that space.

But instead, we hand them scripts.

🎭 And then we prepare for the final act.

We cast our kids in roles:
The All-Around Athlete 🏃
The Mascot Who Cheers 🐶
The Child Who Makes Us Look Good 💎

And when they freeze? 🧊
When they forget their lines?

We hiss from backstage: “What’s wrong with you?”

When really—maybe we should ask:
📖 Who even are these kids? Who do they want to be?

Maybe if they wrote their own dialogue,
they wouldn’t forget it.

Their lives have become blockbusters.
And adults are the directors. 🎬

🎥 “Be nice”—cue the scene
🛑 “Don’t make a fuss”—block the expression
📸 “Just invite her”—reshoot the instinct

Now we’ve got a generation of burned-out child stars
raised by misunderstood producers.

And maybe the most polite thing we could do…
is retire the script. 🗑️

📢 *steps off soapbox*

What do I think about being raised to be nice?
Hard pass. 🎟️

But ask me how I really feel about etiquette columns.
Really though, being polite isn’t the problem.
It’s the way we weaponize it.

Scorched, signed, sent,
🔥 🖋️ 💌

-Miss Reckoning

As always, your unqualified, non-professional, non-advice friend

This post is for emotional reflection and storytelling purposes only. It is not professional advice.

[See full disclaimers here]

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

-Distraction Survivor

🪞 Dear Distraction Survivor,

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

– Red Zone Mom

🪞 Dear Red Zone Mom,

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

– Reluctantly Thoughtless

🪞 Dear Reluctantly Thoughtless,

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

-In the Middle

🪞 Dear In the Middle,

-Miss Reckoning

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🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

— Heavy with Expectations

🪞 Dear Heavy with Expectations,

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-Miss Reckoning

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

— Just Asking

🪞 Dear Just Asking,

-Miss Reckoning

🔥 A Reckoning Non-Advice Letter 💌

💌 Dear Miss Reckoning,

— Raised to be Nice

🪞 Dear Raised to be Nice,

-Miss Reckoning

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